I’ve mentioned that I’ve had my bathroom completely renovated. I’ve already ranted about my new water-conserving toilet. My bathtub follows suit. It bothers me to see the fake environmental movement’s influence slithering into my home.

Don’t get me wrong, I really like my new bathtub, but it has a reduced water flow, no doubt due to similar water conservation laws as those which govern my new toilet. It takes a good deal longer to fill up. I cannot help but wonder if psychologically this makes one less likely to want to fill it as much. These people know how to play hardball! While watching it slowly fill and washing my hair in barely enough water, I began thinking about all this. I like my water hot and my baths full! Does this make me a heartless dinosaur?

Recently, Paul McCartney joined in the proposed Meatless Monday, urging people not to eat meat on Mondays to help cut down on cow gas (seriously!) to help save dee Earf! Don’t get me wrong, as a vegetarian I would love to see people eat less meat, if only to increase my chances of getting a better meal while eating out. However, I already know where this will go.

It will increase the number of what I call Poser Vegetarians. I see vegetarians in two classes: real and poser. Real vegetarians do not eat meat for internal reasons, usually associated with a kundalini awakening. This explains the association between vegetarianism and the hippie culture, the new age movement, and other phenomena. Poser vegetarians, on the other hand, choose not to eat meat for external reasons, usually idealist notions of animal rights, saving the Earth, etc. Again, I do not mean to diminish such important issues, but these people will begin eating meat again as soon as it becomes inconvenient. “Oh, I don’t eat meat…except when traveling, because then it’s just too inconvenient.” they will commonly say. I have an inconvenient truth for these posers: The body does not care! While on the subject, I must again reiterate that THE SUN CAUSES GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE! I write this in the middle of June, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. Don’t talk to me about global warming!

I predict that Meatless Monday will see an influx of poser vegetarians, which will in turn increase ridicule from all the meat eaters, and ultimately diminish the effectiveness of the very thing proposed. Can anyone say Hegelian Dialectic? Problem-reaction-solution? Sound familiar? Ah, Illuminati mind control again! It disgusts me, almost as much as the smell of meat.

This evening, while making dinner, my doorbell rang. This usually means a fund raiser. Sure enough, I beheld some poor girl, I’d guess around seventeen, with Penn Environment. She told me that Pennsylvania ranks third in global warming emissions, behind California and Texas. She wanted fifteen dollars. “So are you with our cause?” she asked. “Well, according to the United Nations own report, only six percent of emissions come from man. I worry far more about environmentalism getting used to introduce a police state.” “Uhh, well, yeah, it’s..” “It’s a balance, I know. I mean, I’m all for cleaning up the environment and all that, but you know.” I told her I’d check out the web site, and she left. I have a feeling they didn’t prepare her for that. I forgot to mention the
thirty-three-thousand scientists who have come out against man-made global warming, and that many of the scientists initially on the report for it have come out and said their names appeared on the document without their consent, even though they disagreed with it. Oh well.

Moral: Memorize facts for dealing with fund raisers when they come to your door.