Internet Killed the Video Star: An Open Letter to MTV

by Austin Seraphin on January 1, 2012

When Beavis and Butt-head began, I wrote an article interviewing the first episode of the new series. I felt very excited. Unfortunately, one element plagues the show, and though I didn’t mind it in the first episode it soon became apparent that it just doesn’t work. I refer to recycling MTV’s content such as Jersey Shore and Sixteen and Pregnant. Give us more viral Youtube videos and crappy bands!

When Beavis and Butt-head first aired in the nineties, an episode consisted of the actual episode interspersed with the boys watching videos and commenting on them. The videos made up part of the show as a whole, and many lamented their disappearance from the episodes released on video and DVD. This happened because of copyright disputes, in yet another example of industry strangling creative expression. When they announced a new series, we wondered if it would have music videos. Articles hinted at viral videos from Youtube, and shows like Jersey Shore. The latter has proven more true.

As a kid, I spent many summer vacations in Ocean City, New Jersey. More recently, I have vacationed in Cape May. I meant to write an article about that, because I ate at a wonderful place called the Bela Vida Cafe. Anyways, seeing a show like Jersey Shore disgusts me on many levels. I have never understood these shows idolizing horrible people.

South Park made fun of the show Jersey Shore in a episode entitled It’s A Jersey Thing. In the show, a monstrous creature named Snookie attempts to rape Eric Cartman while saying “Snookie wants smushsmush!” I thought they made fun of mythic creatures such as the Jersey Devil, or other Jersey weirdness such as Ong’s Hat. It turns out Snookie refers to a female human named Nicole Polizzi. Video clips show her getting drunk, acting stupid, crying, trying to have sex with gross guys, and worrying about putting the wrong kind of lotion on her ass. She will write a novel, more proof of the impending end of everything. It just doesn’t do it for me. You can watch the boys bagging on a crappy video fifteen years ago and it still seems funny. This loses its replay value immediately, like how a soda loses its flavor if left sitting out.

Even more disturbingly, sometimes Beavis and Butt-head watch even worse MTV drivel, such as Sixteen and Pregnant, or Teen Mom. These two separate shows cover what you might expect, following poor teen moms around and video taping their dysfunctional lives and those of their families and partners. “Mom, help take care of my baby and pay for my new boobs.” summarizes the plot perfectly. These shows have absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever, and it pains me to know of their existence. I pitty the people in them.

On the positive side, Beavis and Butt-head did a fake movie review of the horror film Human Centipede. While I wouldn’t enjoy the movie, I did enjoy this segment. I also enjoyed them making fun of the terrible viral video “It’s So Cold in the D” a rap tribute some girls made for a friend shot in a restaurant. As one comment put it, it’s nice they made a song for their dead friend, but they should learn about making music before making music. This has great replay value. A friend and I had that stupid song stuck in our heads for a day afterward. And in all fairness, they do make fun of other videos, just not all the time like before.

To summarize, the new Beavis and Butt-head rules. I love the actual episodes. I just don’t like all the tripe they have had to put in between the segments instead of music videos. I guess bands don’t really make videos the way they did before. Has the internet killed the video star? I appeal to MTV to show more clips like the Human Centipede review, as well as awful viral youtube videos. You can find tons of things there. If MTV does not alter this aspect of the show, it will lose its replay value. That would suck! I also appeal to any crappy bands out there to make a video and send it in so Beavis and Butt-head can make fun of it. America needs you!

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New Oldies

by Austin Seraphin on December 18, 2011

In an episode of the Simpsons, Carl quips: “Have you ever noticed how oldies stations always play the same songs? Like, how about some new oldies, geniuses?” It would seem that corporate America would agree, though perhaps not in the way intended by the consumer. The homely and humble oldies station has become just another monolith. This artificial acceleration of culture damages us all.

Radio stations change from time to time. I learned this at a young age. I will never forget the day when WCAU FM changed its format from top forty to oldies, and their call to WOGL. I thought my radio had broken, but soon learned the truth about the radio station and about life. Over the last few years, WOGL has slowly changed from oldies to the hits of the sixties, seventies, and eighties. They don’t even play real oldies anymore. Now they play Michael Jackson and Abba. Now Philadelphia does not have an oldies station.

As a kid I vividly remember sitting in my grandparent’s car, listening to the kind of music their generation listens to. Stations played that music well into my childhood, letting them enjoy their music into their older years. Eventually their music went away and we began seeing more oldies stations. I don’t feel like the boomers have reached that point. A lot of them still work and drive and listen to the radio. A lot of them don’t know how to use technology like the iPhone, so don’t realize that easy ways exist to still hear the oldies they miss. Because of this, a lot of them have just given up on the idea of hearing their favorite music. That makes me sad.

I have to get my Mom to take me to karate, since it resides way out in the middle of fields and things. Today, she couldn’t handle the wussified Christmas music burbling out of the radio, so asked me to find something. I could hardly figure out how to work the digital tuner, which I loathe. Analog things like radios and tapes should have analog controls. Just give me a dial! I put it into scan mode but it didn’t matter, all crap on a Sunday afternoon, and Christmas didn’t help. I finally just switched it off and got out my iPhone.

“What kind of music do you want to hear?” I asked, starting to consider my options to find her something. “I don’t know, as long as it’s not Christmas music.” I opened Pocket Tunes Radio and looked for an oldies station. This only took two taps.

I quickly found Oldies .977. She knew all the artists and titles and around when they came out. The station also displays this information. Giving her access to this music made me feel really good. Some songs she hadn’t heard for years. I knew she needed this music.

I offered to give her my iPhone 4, but she said the whole thing seemed too complicated, and she didn’t want to pay for the data plan. I still think parents could figure something out which would only take a few taps. Those who don’t want to consume precious data could always load songs onto an iPhone, iPod, or iPad. I just did it this way because I didn’t know what else to do, and it worked.

Parents have some other options as well. Satellite receivers such as XM Radio offer oldies stations, though require a subscription. Most modern car CD players can play MP3 cd’s, meaning you can get your kid to put a bunch of oldies onto cd’s, then play them in your car. An mp3 cd means it holds compressed files, so it can hold much more music than a standard playable CD. Some car stereos also have a line-in jack, a small jack which looks like a headphone jack and works in the opposite way, allowing you to pipe audio into your stereo. They also make small FM transmitters so you can play audio and pick it up with your car’s radio. You could then get a simple inexpensive MP3 player and load it (or have it loaded for you) with your beloved oldies, charging it from your car’s cigarette lighter. No matter what you choose, you don’t have to remain bound to corporate radio.

While listening to her oldies, Mom went down memory lane as she put it. She liked every song she heard – Diana Ross, The Supremes, The Turtles, Cher, what she called obscure Beatles, and her favorite, Smokey Robinson. She told me that she and her friend saw him many times, and they saw the Beatles when they came to America for the first time and sat in the first row. Many songs reminded her of going to the CYO (Catholic Youth Organization) dances in a church basement or gymnasium. During a slow song, she said: “This is the kind of song you would have to wait for a boy to ask you to dance.” She couldn’t picture today’s kids holding each other and dancing in this way. Neither could I.

One song by Frankie Avalon reminded her of the summer time, and the dance hall at the boardwalk in Ocean City. She explained how dances provided a safe space for teen-agers to socialize. At home this meant meeting kids from her school and the local area. At the shore this meant socializing with different kids. I remembered going to the skating rink, but that seemed fading even then. Mom agreed, and wondered what kids do now. I don’t know, probably meet on Facebook, then get together and get high in a basement.

The fifties and sixties seemed like such a carefree time. Hold onto it if you lived through it. Don’t let faceless corporations take it from you. Learn to understand the technology you need to hear the music which made your memories. Ask your kids for help. And if you have a parent in this situation, this makes a great Christmas present.

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My New Cane

by Austin Seraphin on December 13, 2011

I have begun a dialog with World Access for the Blind. They teach a skill called echolocation, where a blind person can train their brain to synthesize images through reflected sound instead of reflected light. This opens up a lot of doors and I will have more to say about that in future entries. As soon as I read about it I contacted them. A trainer named Justin wrote me back and we met on Skype. Along with giving me some basic exercises to practice this incredible skill, he also told me to use a longer cane. I figured these people have cutting edge information, so gave it a try.

I became blind at birth, so began learning mobility at a young age. This included getting my first cane which happened in first or second grade. I learned the standard way to hold a cane. This involves bending your elbow down and in front, placing your forearm parallel to your abdomen. This feels rather uncomfortable and a lot of kids naturally resisted, preferring to keep their elbow at their side. They probably got yelled at for their defiance, but it turns out most of my blind friends prefer this as adults. I stuck with the traditional program and shorter cane.

Justin at World Access corrected me on the issue. For kids, a shorter length works fine, but an adult has a longer stride. This means one of two things can happen. You can walk faster than your cane can cover, causing you to miss things and contributing to a general sense of disorientation. The cane could hit a bump, causing the elbow to painfully jab you right in the gut. Ouch! Using a slightly longer cane and keeping the elbow by the hip fixes both of these problems.

His argument made sense, so I headed over to Ambutech and proceeded through their delightful form to make a custom cane. My mobility teachers always taught me that the cane should come to the breastbone, which comes to 52 inches for me. Justin said to give it abut six extra inches, putting it at the height of the chin. I ordered a 58 inch rigid cane and it fit perfectly. Rigid? Yes rigid. I have always used folding canes and made fun of rigid cane users for carrying such an unwieldy instrument, but they do give better tactile feedback. He also recommended a ceramic tip. I hadn’t heard of them before and neither had my friends. “Oh, they’re like the best things ever! You can land a helicopter on one.” Justin enthused. I used a marshmallow tip before, but this sounded cool. We did agree on one thing: we both like graphite for the material of the cane. I also ordered an extra one made of heavier illumine for karate. I bent my cane during the last demo.

It felt weird to place an order for a cane which had pretty much the exact opposite configuration from the one I had used forever. My old one measured 52 inches, folded, and had a marshmallow roller tip. This new one measures 58 inches, does not fold, and has a ceramic tip. I thought I knew the best thing to do, and according to common advice I did, but now I found myself totally revising my views on an issue. Sometimes that happens in life. Unfortunately, since Ambutech resides in Canada, the package had to go through a long process of import scanning. I waited and wondered and practiced echolocation.

My new cane finally arrived in a long box after ten days, and I tried it immediately. What a difference! Indeed, the longer length gave me more time to react to things around me. It felt more liberating to have an expanded sphere of awareness. This enabled me to travel more smoothly and quickly. The rigid length does give more feedback, though it does still get stuck in cracks sometimes. At least it doesn’t get stuck in my gut. Ouch! The light material and tip also make it easier to skip over cracks and get back on track. I made two street crossings perfectly. Even if I missed a little, the longer length again came in handy, helping me reorient more quickly. I felt very impressed.

I haven’t gotten a chance to use my karate cane yet. I brought it to class, but I think Sensei Chris felt scared of it. I don’t blame him. The rigidity should give it a nice whipping motion, and that tip at the end will hurt!

In conclusion, World Access for the Blind has cutting edge information about mobility which the blind establishment ignores to their disadvantage. Even something as simple as having a longer cane makes a big difference. If someone blind since birth needs more mobility training, say after a move, they won’t really learn anything new as far as techniques go. They will learn new routes, but they will not learn new ways to navigate and orient themselves to their environment. What they learned at age twelve will still hold true. It therefore feels very refreshing to hear a new voice with new knowledge and techniques. Just wait until I master echolocation!

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My First Karate Demo

by Austin Seraphin on November 15, 2011

On Sunday I participated in a demonstration of karate put on by Empty Hands Karate and the West Chester YMCA. It went well. I feel proud to announce that for the first time, we have video! My Mom shot it on my iPhone 4S. Forty-five minutes took up eight gigabytes. Unfortunately I forgot to unlock the iPhone’s orientation. Fortunately my friend, the lovely a.minor knows how to edit video. Thanks everyone for pulling together and making a great presentation.

It began with Sensei Ken giving an introduction. He introduced Sensei Chris, and asked that we give him a round of applause now, because he will get beaten up later. I joined in the applause, since I had a good idea of at least part of what he meant. The world has become less safe, and martial arts help a disabled person defend themselves should the need arise. Additionally, martial arts have a therapeutic value. They help someone become more aware of their particular apparatus, a cane in my case. Chris spoke a little about his involvement with a camp for disabled children, and the benefits to all.

After the introduction, Ken had us stand in a line. THis included me, a student in a wheelchair named Gina, and Chris at the end. He had us all take a training stance, and showed the difference between a fully able-bodied individual, someone in a wheelchair, and someone with no ambulatory issues but who can’t see anyone. Gina and another teacher named Stephanie demonstrated some blocks she had learned. I know she did a fine job, but I knew I would come next, and felt so focused that I don’t even fully know what exactly she did. And sure enough my turn came next.

He called me up, and asked Loretta to join us. She acted as my ski instructor, and hosted the expo where I met Ken and Chris for the first time. “Be nice to me.” she said half jokingly. “Nice to see you.” I said. Ken said that I have the challenge of knowing my location and the location of my attacker, since I can’t see. He demonstrated an exercise we have begun doing where he and Loretta move around me in a circle, he in his wheelchair and her on foot. They would not say a word. Chris would say “Stop” and I would point to Ken and Loretta, and estimate their distance from me. Loretta said she should have worn her clicky shoes, but Ken dismissed that, pointing out that she would not in the real world. This builds something called passive echolocation, and I will have much more to say about echolocation very shortly. Even though I find this somewhat difficult, Ken assured me beforehand that this would really draw some wows, and it did. If I hear someone close to me, it means that I should increase my awareness should something happen. Cultivating this skill not only helps survive an attack, it also helps in day to day mobility. This perfectly shows how martial arts skills transfer to real life, a reoccurring theme. I welcomed the applause and we moved onto the stances and blocks.

Ken had me get into a training horse stance, with knees slightly bent, feet comfortably apart, arms parallel to the ground at the level of my heart, fists with palms turned upward, ready to throw a punch or launch into a sequence. He had me do an inward block with my left hand, bringing my fist up to the level of my ear then forcefully moving my upper arm out past my center line and ending farther out and to the right, my arm at an angle. He then had me do an inward block with my right hand, in which I held my cane. I made the same motion, but with a cane this becomes far more potent, with blocks becoming strikes. He had me do some more inward blocks. “Power, speed, quickness, accuracy, outstanding.” We then switched to outward blocks. This involves bringing the fist or cane to the center line, but instead of continuing out on that diagonal, shifting back out and ending on the other corner. Again, a cane made this more potent, but I have to learn to do it with and without a cane. Ken pointed out how the cane allows for greater protection of the center line, a key point.

“Remember I told you that we’d better give Sensei Chris his applause now? You’re about to see why. Chris lay out a mat. I think Loretta may have started getting a little nervous. We began with Delayed Sword. This technique has two applications: defending against a grab or a punch. Sensei Chris faced me and grabbed me with his right hand. I stepped back with my left foot and did an inward block with my cane, hitting his arm. Next, I did a kick to his groin, and while he bent over I landed and chopped at the back of his neck, again with the cane. I used this to hold his neck down while I gave him two knees to the head. I ended the technique with an elbow, and with the cane this becomes a cool forward strike. Then I stepped to my left and struck him with the cane going across. Finally I turned to the left while arching my cane and striking him across the back of the legs, causing him to fall. “Oh Jesus!” someone gasped. The crowd applauded. This felt awesome!

Next, we did a similar technique called Sword of Destruction. In this case, destruction actually means that it attacks the left side of the body. Sensei Chris grabbed me with his left hand. Instead of doing an inward block, I did an outward block. I then did exactly what I have just described for Delayed Sword, with the same result. I walked away whistling Singing in the Rain, a reference to A Clockwork Orange, a movie which should convince anyone to learn martial arts!

Ken set up the scenario for the final technique. “And See, Sensei Chris doesn’t have the good sense to stay away from Austin. This time he figures I’ve got both, I’m gonna really control him. This is called Aggressive Twins. Go!” Sensei Chris grabbed me with both hands. I stepped back with my left foot and did an inward block, followed by a kick to the groin, just like Delayed Sword. However now I did another kick with my back leg. I then spun around and did a backward kick with my right leg. Or at least I tried. I missed and tried again and missed. I tried a third time and connected, though had lost some balance and power. “Finish!” commanded Ken, so I did. I spun to the left while swinging my cane down and behind me to the right, the counter-rotation giving the strike power. “I hate to do this to you Sensei Chris, but I’d like to see that done again.” So did I. I wanted to do it right. Sensei Ken let me do it on my command and I pulled it off! I tried whistling my song again, but couldn’t. Everyone laughed. “You’re running out of breath for the whistling.” joked Loretta. I said: “That’s all right. That’s good.”

Since Loretta had seen me at the first expo, Ken asked her how I had done. “Unbelievable.” she said. “Again, I’d like everyone here to challenge what their belief is about what people with disabilities can do, what the reality is. Understanding that Austin and Gina both took the self-defense course in the summer, and Gina just rejoined us for the belt ranking course, but Austin has been here the whole time through the belt ranking course. In that period he has learned three techniques. I would not be surprised if we tested him within the next few months for a full yellow. He’s showing incredible understanding.” This felt great to hear from my Sensei, and I look forward to getting my yellow belt. Ken then let me say a few words.

I told the story of how I went from attending a demo to participating in one. I took karate as a kid. Two Christmases ago, my brother got me an adaptive skiing lesson as a gift. I didn’t know if I’d like it, and neither did he, but we figured why not. I enjoyed it and knew we would go back the next year. While skiing for the second time, I had Loretta as one of my instructors. She told me I should come to her adaptive sports expo. I did and met Ken and Chris. I then took the self-defense course, and wanted more. After a break, I began taking the belt ranking course. And now I write this article. Compare it with past articles and note the clearer descriptions of the moves. Things have begun systematizing.

I repeated the point that skills learned in martial arts transfer to real life. For example, when I strike someone with my cane it also conveys information, in exactly the same way a cane conveys information while walking. The increased sense of spacial awareness has a similar benefit. These just represent examples from a blind person, the people at Empty hands Karate really adapt the art to your unique disability. It also makes a great way to get in shape, something more than a monotonous exercise routine. Now I work out for an hour a day. I’ve heard rumors that girls like that sort of thing. Taking martial arts will benefit you no matter what, and with the reduced prices offered by the YMCA you really can’t lose.

I concluded my little speech with a demonstration of the universe’s sense of humor, what I would call Goddess at work. When I learned Aggressive Twins, they asked me if I knew what the aggressive twins meant. They actually refer to the two hands of the attacker, but I had another idea. “Yeah, I do, my twin sisters. If one uses the other’s hairbrush or something then you will have your aggressive twins.” And as it happened, they celebrated their birthday on the day I performed this technique in front of a crowd for the first time. Happy birthday, Girls!

After that, Ken demonstrated some kicks, and Chris demonstrated a kata. Unfortunately I cannot comment on them, since they far exceed my level of understanding, but I will understand and comment one day. They then opened it up to questions, and in the course of them Ken had me do Delayed Sword to show what an inward block would become. I asked if I should do it with empty hands or with the cane. “It did seem slightly ironic that I didn’t do any techniques with empty hands while demonstrating for Open Hands Karate. Good point.” said Ken and took my cane. Chris thanked me. Later, while answering a question, I interjected the phrase natural moves. I knew Ken would love this, and of course he elaborated. “There is a limited number of ways in which the human body can move. The big deal is what is your intent with those moves.”

And that ended it. I hope anyone who attended enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed participating. I hope it encourages others to take martial arts. I hope to participate in many more of these demos and write about them. Remember to check out the high definition video. See you next time. For more information, visit Empty Hands karate or call 215-884-0699.

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Tyranny Test

by Austin Seraphin on November 9, 2011

Today, FEMA, DHS, and the FCC shut down all radio and television communication for thirty seconds while they tested the Emergency Alert System for the first time. I recorded the test. YOu can hear it spanning several radio and television stations. It kind of freaked me out to hear the same message broadcast everywhere, with nowhere to turn. Listen and judge for yourself.

We have always had an alert system at the state and local level which has served us just fine. Now creeping government has centralized this system on a national level. This clearly violates the Constitution, which grants very limited powers to the federal government, and leaves the rest to the state and local authorities, which can better respond to an emergency. Remember Big Brother in the book 1984 speaking to the entire populace with one voice? This system makes this reality possible. No yelling at the telescreen!

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